Sheltering Your Child’s Mind: What to Say and When

(Side note: This blog post is the 3rd of 9 in a series about strategically sheltering your kids. If you’d like to read the introductory posts, you can find them here and here.)

I have increasingly come in contact with parents who avoid talking about sensitive issues. Whether it be as basic as the facts of puberty, as uncomfortable as introducing sex, or as dark as realities like abortion or pornography — many parents err towards keeping quiet for as long as possible. In other words, we end up “sheltering” our kids from ideas and realities quite a bit.

If you find yourself in this camp, you probably have your reasons for saying less. Some parents are wanting their children to enjoy the simplicity of childhood unfettered by realities of darkness and sin. Other parents are simply doing what is natural, or doing what they saw their parents do. Because there is no urgent need to talk about big issues, or because it’s a bit uncomfortable, they put it off until it seems absolutely necessary. Other parents believe their children aren’t ready to process certain topics, and others fear knowledge may lead to temptation. Whatever the reason, sheltering our kids (or attempting to shelter our kids) from big issues and worldly concepts is extremely common. 

But perhaps this is where we should shelter our kids the least.

What I mean by that is: It seems wise to purposefully expose our kids to any idea they may come in contact with or eventually need to know. Basically, we want to ready our kids for what they will hear both now and in the future, for what they will see, and for what they will feel. We want our kids minds and hearts informed, educated, and well-prepared.

This kind of preparation doesn’t happen automatically. It primarily comes through countless intentional conversations. Conversations covering all aspects of life. For example, our kids need to hear what the Bible says about the sins infesting our culture, and about the sins of their own heart. They need to know what the world will tell them, and they need to know how it will differ from biblical truth. They need to know how babies are made, and what God intends for marriage and the family. They need to know what they should expect in their developing bodies, how they should handle certain feelings, as well as the temptations they’ll likely face. They need to know what words they should use and what words they shouldn’t. They need wisdom to know which friends to invest in and which friendships to avoid. They need to be able to spot cultural lies, and be able to stand up for truth. They need to know about the dangers of the internet and of social media. We can go on and on, but the point is this: our kids need to be prepared mentally and spiritually for the world they live in. And thankfully, principles from God’s word can address every single one of these topics. Which is exactly the type of education our children need. 

But the key is making sure we are the true educators in their life.

Beat Everyone to the Punch

Here’s the thing, if you don’t get talking, someone else will. At some point your child is going to hear things from a friend, from a cousin, from a teammate, from a show, from a teacher, or worse, from the internet. But it would be far better if they heard it from you first.  

Furthermore, they will eventually see things you’d rather them not see. But it would be far better if you taught them how to process all they’ll come in contact with. 

And no doubt they will likely feel things that they don’t know what to do with. But it would be so much better if you already prepped them for what they might experience and feel. 

Again, the question is, will you be the one who educates your kids on the important matters of life, or will you passively allow others to become their informants?

Why It Should Be You

Not that you need convincing, but here’s a few obvious reasons why you should work at having the umpteen conversations your children need to have… 

First, when you expose your kids to the facts of life, you can purpose to do so from a biblical worldview. It is far better to make sense of everything they will see and hear from God’s perspective, rather than them hearing it from who knows who, with whatever random worldview they adhere to. 

Picture life like a puzzle—you want to be the one who introduces your child to each new piece of the puzzle while showing how to put it all together God’s way. Then when they hear things from others, it will either affirm what they’ve already been taught (i.e. they will recognize that puzzle piece), or they will have the discernment to know the new information isn’t matching the biblical worldview.

Second, talking to your children about important things lays the foundation for them to keep coming back to you to talk about important things. If they know you feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics, they will know you are a safe place to turn to when they need someone to explain the various aspects of life. This strengthens your ability to disciple your child and instill wisdom over the years. 

Third, when we don’t withhold information, our children learn they can trust us. It can be a little confusing and disheartening when children find out their peers know something that their parents never told them. On the other hand, if our kids hear things out in the world that they’ve already been exposed to, it just deepens their trust in their parents who actually seem to know what they are talking about. 

And last but not least, who is going to tell your kids about life with as much concern for their well-being as you? Sure they can find out information somehow (God forbid through Google!), but it’s entirely different to have a parents’ care govern what is said and how it’s said.

Get Educating

Obviously we can’t control what our kids will hear and see out in the world. But we can control what we expose them to. So what I am trying to say is, we should be intentional and proactive in educating our kids on all types of topics; especially the ones that we might otherwise try to avoid (those are usually the topics they really should hear about from us). 

Back to the big question this blog series is addressing: How much should we shelter our kids? Well, part of that answer is: not that much when it comes to concepts and ideas. There is certainly wisdom on choosing what to say and when, but the doors of communication should be wide open! We should be purposefully educating our kids so that they’re well-prepared mentally and spiritually every time they walk out our door (or turn on the TV, or look at an iPad, or read the news, or text with a friend, or… you get the idea!)

More next week on how to do this.

1. How Much Should We Shelter Our Kids? 
2. The Art of Strategically Sheltering
3. Sheltering Your Child’s Mind (Part 1):  What to Say and When
4. Sheltering Your Child’s Mind (Part 2): Get Talking!
5. Sheltering Your Child’s Daily Life (Part 1): Strengthening their Character
6. Sheltering Your Child’s Daily Life (Part 2): How to Expose them to Temptation
7. Sheltering Your Child’s Heart (Part 1): Ruthlessly Protect
8. Sheltering Your Child’s Heart (Part 2): Avoiding Danger
9. Making Decisions: Protecting and Preparing the Next Generation