Making Decisions: Protecting and Preparing the Next Generation

“How much should we shelter our kids?”  I am pretty sure this is a question every parent has asked at some point in the last few years. Times are changing, the world’s messages are getting louder, and we have to decide: Should we fully shelter our kids, semi-shelter our kids, or avoid sheltering our kids?

As stated in previous posts, most parents decide it’s best to shelter their kids to some degree because the extremes seem risky (leaving our kids either over-exposed or under prepared). But what I’ve been trying to say for the last 8 blog posts is, we need a more strategic approach! (I suppose I could have said that in one blog post) But it all boils down to this: if we want our children appropriately protected from the world and sufficiently prepared for it, we need to think through which areas of life require more protection, and in what ways they’d benefit from careful exposure to the world.

A Decision-Making Plan 

Strategically sheltering will look different in every family, because there are so many factors at play for each child. But here is a strategic plan worth your consideration (as I’ve laid out more verbosely over the past few months) …

1) We need to expose our kids to the ideas and concepts that they will hear out in the world. Meaning, we should not shelter them much in this regard. In fact, we should work to beat everyone else to the punch, instead of letting their informants be whoever gets to them first. Obviously, there is much benefit in you being the one to educate your child on morality, especially if you want to ensure a biblical worldview is the foundation.

2) We need to purpose to put our kids in situations in which their character can be refined and tested. There’s a sense in which we should not shelter our kids from temptation—at least not all of it. Rather you should expose them to low-risk environments in which they can practice all they’ve learned in your home. This should be done with a careful eye on how your kids are responding to the various situations they are put in. That way, you can give counsel and wisdom, turning life into a hands-on Christian-living apprenticeship.

The goal is to prepare your kids to successfully do life on their own one day. Slowly releasing them, while you can still help them, is likely to be far more successful than suddenly throwing them into the world as adults. This hands-on, real-life training is key.

3) Sometimes, however, we do need to straight up shelter and protect our kids. When the hearts of our kids are at stake, this is when we step in and shelter as much as necessary. In other words, we need to know our kids, know their inclinations, and know what might draw them away. Then, we unashamedly lay boundaries to protect them from potential danger. This doesn’t mean we protect them from making mistakes—those will happen regardless, but what it does mean is that we are protecting them from situations that we know would lure them into worldly thinking and acting.

Often times sheltering their hearts means limiting exposure to worldly music, shows, books, media, and friends. And sometimes it means we shelter them in very unique ways because of what might draw away their hearts.

In summary, we need to prepare our children mentally for the world they’ll one day face, we need to strengthen their character so they can handle all that will be thrown at them, and we need to do whatever is necessary to protect their heart in the process.

Applying the Plan 

Clearly these principles of sheltering do not answer every question we have as parents. Should you send your kid to that sleep over? I don’t know. Should you let them listen to the music their friends listen to? I don’t know. Should you let them read that book or watch that movie? I have no idea. 

It really comes down to filtering each decision through a grid of properly preparing them, while appropriately protecting them. And I do mean each and every decision. Realistically, once you get used to filtering each option, you will quickly learn some decisions don’t carry that much weight, and so you can filter them real quick and make an appropriate decision without thinking much about it. On the other hand, if you didn’t think much of each decision, it would be easy to assume some decisions are inconsequential, even though they have the power to lure your child into worldliness. It’s worth being extra thoughtful and intentional as we make all kinds of decisions for our kids.

When weighing options, it’s probably best to start with the weightiest matter: Do I need to protect my child’s heart in this situation? Or said another way, is their heart in danger if I allow them to do this thing they want to do? If it is, it’s worth being ruthless and saying no. If it’s a grey area and you are not sure, it’s probably still a good idea to say no— It’s just not worth the risk. Or we can always find a way to minimize the risk (spend less time with that particular friend or watch the movie they want to watch with them, or discuss each chapter of the book they want to read, etc.).

Once you know it’s not a matter of protecting their heart, it usually becomes a matter of making sure our kids know what they need to know before being put in a situation. And of course, we need to be ready to do whatever hands-on training is needed as the situation plays out (picturing life as an apprenticeship to get them ready for the future).

The Long-Term Plan 

Lord willing, one day our kids will be following the Lord and will be strategically sheltering their own kids! Who knows what the world will be like, but these same principles should guide them: Thoughtfully prepare and ruthlessly protect!

With that said, as your kids get older, let them in on your reasoning. Help them navigate their own hearts. Help them understand why some situations are worth avoiding. Explain to them why you always talk through life’s situations with them. Basically, include “strategically sheltering” in your parental apprenticeship.

One day when the baton is passed, what a blessing it would be if you prepared and protected your kids so well that they knew how to do the same with their own children! Therefore, the long-term plan is having one generation following hard after the Lord, getting the next generation ready to follow hard after the Lord! I know that’s my aim, and that’s my prayer for my children.

To that end, I will keep preparing and protecting with all that I’ve got. I hope you will join me.