Sheltering Your Child’s Heart (Part 1): Ruthlessly Protect

Thus far (in this 9-part blog series), I’ve said a whole lot about exposing our kids to the world. Specifically, that we need to teach them all about what’s out there, that we need to teach them how to interact well with those who live opposed to God, and that we need to give them opportunities to withstand temptation. All in effort to prepare them for life in the real world.

But I’m about to sound a lot more protective. You might even call me a helicopter parent. Yet if it’s a badge earned by protecting the hearts of my kids, I’ll take it!

Now here’s an even bolder statement: If you want to call me a helicopter parent, you’ll need to call God one too. In fact, he is quite ruthless when it comes to protecting the hearts of his children.

For example, think of the Israelites and their interaction with the world—God was extremely protective of their affections. In Deuteronomy 20 he told the Israelites to drive out (AKA destroy) the nations around them, at least in part, so that the nations wouldn’t have a bad influence on them (Deut. 20:18). Or think of God’s prohibition to his people about intermarrying with the surrounding nations. God would not have it because he knew the foreign women would draw away the hearts of his people (Deut. 7:3-4).

Likewise, wisdom literature warns us to walk with the wise and to avoid the companionship of fools (Proverbs 13:20).

In the New Testament, 2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us to not be “yoked with unbelievers.” In other words, God still expects his people to not get too buddied up with the world. And of course, we know we should be cautious with “bad company” according to 1 Corinthians 15:33.

All in all, God wants our hearts fully devoted to him (Matthew 22:37). Because of that, we need to guard our affections diligently. As Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” And this principle surely applies to our kids as well. Who they are and who they will become, is very much a product of what gets the attention of their hearts.

So, when it comes to sheltering our kids — we want them fully prepared for life in the world (which means some strategic exposure), but never at the cost of the heart. We need to know when to say no to worldly exposure in effort to avoid situations that will pull them down. We need to know when to be extreme in our protection so that they aren’t lured away. And most of all, we need to know our kids and their specific propensities.

Study Your Kids

Every child is so very different. What is exciting to one is boring to another. What is meaningful to one, means nada to another. What tempts one, is silly nonsense to another. We need to know what draws each of our kids in. We need to know what would pull them away and into the world. We need to know what potential idols they have or would be tempted to have. And once we can pinpoint those areas, that is where we focus the attention of our sheltering.

Surely some areas are more universal, like friends and peer pressure, or wanting acceptance and love. But some kids might be especially drawn to peer approval or popularity. Or some may especially desire affection. Some may long for worldly success or fame. Some may be more intellectually enticed by secular ideologies. Some may be more emotionally drawn to secular messages through music or media. Some may idolize athletics or hobbies. Some simply want to have fun and will pursue it at any cost.

The point is, we need to identify where the enemy would love to get ahold of our kids, and we need to wisely consider how to navigate those specific arenas of their life.

Be Willing to Be Ruthless 

Call it “helicopter parenting” if you want, but when we know what might pull away the hearts of our kids, we need to be right there doing whatever we can to protect them. While we ought not bubble wrap their physical bodies, we should attempt to bubble wrap their hearts.

What does this look like? Well, it depends on the child…

For example, I have one child who loves music (and that’s a massive understatement). Music speaks to her, it stirs her emotions, it invokes deep thoughts, it fills up her time – it is her passion. Surely music is a gift from God, and it’s a great gift to be enjoyed. However, that doesn’t mean danger can’t sneak in. For starters, worldly lyrics can slip in ever-so-sneakily. Plus, there’s the potential for music to become an idol when excessively listening to it, researching it, buying it, organizing it, creating it, and so on. Add to that, there is a temptation to enter your own little isolating world with earbuds stuck in your head all day. And so given all these considerations, we are careful with what we allow her to listen to (and when). If you were to talk to this daughter of mine, you might say she’s pretty crazy sheltered in the area of music, at least in comparison to her friends. I’ll spare sharing with you our rules so as to not invite your judgement. But suffice it to say, we’ve decided we should be ruthless for the sake of her heart—even when it makes us look like overbearing parents.

Will our daughter one day have to navigate music on her own? Absolutely. But hopefully the principles we’ve taught her along the way, even the principles of purposeful deprivation, will be ones that influence her decisions. And as she nears her final years in our home, increasing freedom will be natural, but we will never throw caution to the wind when it comes to her heart.

Realistically, this is how we should handle our own hearts too. Jesus goes so far as to tell us to cut off our hands or gauge out our eyes if they cause us to sin (Matthew 18:7-9). All throughout life, we want to stay far away from whatever would lure us into transgression. Therefore, it is foolish to think we should let our kids flirt with sin or the temptation to sin. Their hearts are under our care and stewardship, we need to do all we can to protect them.

Take a Confident Stand

The reality is that people will not always understand why you say no to the things you say no to. Especially because their kids might not have the same temptation your kids have. Or possibly because they haven’t given much thought to carefully protecting their kid’s heart. In other words, don’t be detoured because you seem extreme. If you believe it is wise to say no to something in order to protect your child’s heart— do it with confidence.

Not only did Jesus remind us to be ruthless to avoid sin, but he reminded us that doing the right thing may cause some tension in our relationships (Matthew 10:34-39). In fact, it was specifically familial tension he spoke of. So we shouldn’t be surprised when even those we are close to, including our kids, think we are too protective.

Here’s the thing: if the hearts of our kids matter so much, it doesn’t matter whether our kids don’t like our rules. And it really doesn’t matter if other people judge us. We may have pressure from within our home to let up, and we may experience pressure from outside our home too—but ultimately, that’s irrelevant. We have to take a stand for the sake of our kids’ hearts.

Come back next week as we consider more ways we ought to own the role of helicopter parenting.

1. How Much Should We Shelter Our Kids? 
2. The Art of Strategically Sheltering
3. Sheltering Your Child’s Mind (Part 1):  What to Say and When
4. Sheltering Your Child’s Mind (Part 2): Get Talking!
5. Sheltering Your Child’s Daily Life (Part 1): Strengthen Their Character
6. Sheltering Your Child’s Daily Life (Part 2): How to Expose them to Temptation
7. Sheltering Your Child’s Heart (Part 1): Ruthlessly Protect
8. Sheltering Your Child’s Heart (Part 2): Avoiding Danger
9. Making Decisions: Protecting and Preparing the Next Generation