How Much Should We Shelter our Kids?

We all want what’s best for our kids. And as Christian parents, we all want to do what God would say is best. But what we think this means varies widely. Especially when it comes to what we usually call “sheltering” our kids—this idea of protecting them or preventing them from exposure to harmful influences. And what an important issue to get right, for what parent doesn’t want to protect their kids from harm?! 

And yet, ironically enough, when it comes to this idea of sheltering our kids, some claim sheltering kids too much is what’s harmful. 

How do we make sure to get this right? The question is, How much should we shelter our kids?

Two Typical Options

There are usually two different parenting extremes—and their nicknames are telling. There are ”helicopter parents” and there are what you might call “free-range parents.” The latter purposefully choose to not shelter their kids. They see exposure to the world as a natural part of life, maybe even as preparation for life. Accordingly, their hands-off approach can extend to any and every aspect of life: TV, movies, books, music, social media, events, friendships, dating, curfews, etc. Very few boundaries, if any, are deemed necessary.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who feel it is their job to 100% protect their children from any potentially negative influence or danger (hence the image of them hovering over their kids like helicopters). By keeping their children away from threatening influences as much as possible they hope to instill everything their children need from within the home, thereby making sure their children are fully prepared and mature before encountering exposure to the world.

Most of us fall somewhere in the middle of these 2 extremes. It would seem that danger can be found in exposing children to too much, and danger can be found in excessively protecting them. This leads many of us to assume the wisest way forward is a “middle of the road” approach.

But are these really our only 3 options? Or more to the point: Is simply aiming for the middle the most strategic way to avoid the more excessive extremes?

A Happy Medium? 

We can all imagine why the extremes carry inherent danger. Certainly too much exposure to the world can lead to temptations children aren’t ready for, it can lead to a worldly way of thinking and who knows what else. Conversely, too much protection can lead to excessive ignorance, it can lead to children who are unprepared to face the world, and sadly, overprotection causes some to sprint to worldliness the moment they’re given an ounce of freedom. Among other dangers, no doubt. 

But aiming for the middle might not be the most strategic idea either. 

When we “aim for the middle” we are only saying what we are not doing — meaning, we are not giving our children complete freedom, and we are not thoroughly protecting them. But it doesn’t give us a clear target. What are we actually aiming for? If our aim is to stay in the middle, we have to ask ourselves, stay in the middle of what? Who sets the standard?  Are we only making decisions according to what feels reasonable? Are we simply comparing ourselves to others to make sure we are hitting our “middle” target?

Needless to say, we need a more thoughtful approach — a strategy that lines up with biblical truth and sound wisdom. A strategy that includes a specific aim. We need to know why we are making the parenting decisions we are making.  Few areas of life deserve as much thought and attention.

What’s at Stake

How much to shelter our kids, when to shelter our kids, and even why we’d shelter our kids is an extremely important matter for parents to think through long and hard. For it’s our kids’ souls at stake!  

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” No doubt, this is a principle, not a promise. Nevertheless, this principle should feel extremely weighty. As parents, it is our job to point our children the right direction and to set them on a prudent path that they can stay on for the rest of their lives. So in that sense, the decisions we make matter. How much we shelter our kids matters.

That’s why we need to be strategic. A casual approach to this aspect of parenting won’t do. 

So do you know why you say yes to what you say yes to, and why you say no to what you say no to? Does it come from a well-thought-out plan?

If you are not entirely sure, join me next week—I want to start tackling this issue from a few different angles… (you can subscribe to make sure you don’t miss the post, or follow on Facebook or Instagram)