Sheltering Your Child’s Mind (Part 2): Get Talking!

Several years ago I walked the streets of Washington DC with my (then) four kids in tow. We were nearing the end of two very long touring days when I saw a box truck in the distance plastered with disturbing images. It wasn’t displaying seductive bodies as is often the case, instead the truck was covered with pictures of bloody disfigured pre-born babies. Someone was trying to awaken passersby to the dark reality of abortion. 

But there I was with four children, ages 4-9. 

In the moments that we neared the truck, I contemplated several options:

1) I could keep walking and hope no one notices the pictures on the truck. 

2) I could look for a different route—maybe cut through the grass to keep our distance. 

3) I could brace myself for the onslaught of questions and hope for the best. 

Or, 4) I could see this as an opportunity to inform my children of a current reality in this sinful broken world. 

I chose the latter. 

I walked by, I saw the truck grab their attention and I engaged in conversation. My 4 and 6 year old weren’t entirely aware of any of it (the disturbing images or the conversation), but the older two were introduced to an important issue of our day.

Were they too young? Some may think so. But realistically, when is a good time to discuss the hard issues of life? It’s certainly never easy. However, I knew it would be far better if they learned about this topic from a parent, not a kid, or a teacher, or the news, or some relative. Hence, it seemed wise for me to just get talking. 

Obviously the scenario described is just one specific moment teaching one specific topic; however, it illustrates a way of life. A way of life in which we look for opportunities to expose our kids to various topics, rather than avoid them. It requires us to realize our desire to protect (or shelter) our kids can’t extend to ideas and realities. Instead, we need to purposefully inform our children so that they are well-prepared for whatever is to come. 

With that said, here are a few specific ways to pursue these conversations…

Find Everyday Teaching Moments

Realistically opportunities to explain the facts of life are everywhere if we are just willing to seize them. All it takes is walking around the mall, driving by a billboard, shopping at Target, noticing magazines at the checkout, or watching a commercial. When we see something, we should talk about it. 

Honestly, whether we like it or not, education is already happening. Exposure is already happening. But whether it’s from us is the real question. We need to picture life like a classroom–and if we don’t get up to the front and get teaching, someone else will. 

So look for those opportunities. It might even be good to list out all the topics you know you need to discuss with your children so you can be more aware of seizable moments for each topic. And of course, you should pray — pray that God would give you wisdom to see the teaching moments and wisdom to know what to say when they arise. 

Age Appropriateness  

Clearly we don’t want to say too much too soon, right? Yes, this is true. However, for most parents, this is not the real temptation. More often, we don’t want to say much at all. Nevertheless, we do need to exercise wisdom on what to say and when. We can learn a lot just by starting slow. As we introduce topics in bite-sized ways, we will begin to see what our children are understanding by how they engage with the content, and by the questions they ask. If they glaze over, that tells us something. If they get overly emotional, we’ve probably said too much. If they listen carefully and ask appropriate questions, we probably hit the bulls eye. 

For example, my son is 3 years old and I’ve recently been telling him he can’t pretend to be a mommy because God made him a boy (after he comes to me shouting “I’m the mommy!”). He only somewhat understands what I am saying, so we will leave it at that for now. At 4 or 5 I might start talking about how some people pretend to be a girl even when God created them to be a boy. At 6 I might point out what this looks like out in public. And as these conversations happen, in real time I will be deciding whether this is too much too soon, or whether he is ready to go deeper. 

But what I don’t want is to leave this issue unaddressed until he hears in a TV show that boys can be girls and girls can be boys. Or when he has already noticed this seems to be the case on his soccer team. Instead, I want to get out in front of the culture and thoughtfully develop a biblical worldview one piece at a time (about this topic as well as all the others). 

Another consideration for age-appropriateness is being sure to talk about sensitive issues on a simple factual level. For example, we don’t need to discuss the psychological processes for boys that want to be girls. We don’t need to bring up our high school female friend who now identifies as a boy. We don’t need to introduce all the intricacies of every issue. Especially when our kids are young. All we need to do is define the issue, and say what the Bible says. That’s usually enough to start with. If they have questions, we can then thoughtfully take the conversation a step further.

The Big Topic

If there is one topic parents don’t particularly love to talk about with their kids, it’s sex, and any topics related to sexuality. However, this is a huge category of information our kids to need to learn about from us, not from the world (especially nowadays). 

In fact, one key tip I was given as a young mom was to make sure to talk about sex and the body while your kids are young. Of course we need to discuss it in age appropriate ways (hence starting by just talking about our body), but I was told to let it be normal factual conversation rather than a forbidden and awkward topic. This tip was revolutionary. By talking early on about our bodies/sexuality from a biblical perspective so many things happened…

First, the doors to communication were swung wide open. So much of life is connected to these two topics, and few topics are more awkward to talk about. In essence, no topic felt off limits after this one was opened up. (And side note: talking about it while they are young allows you to shake off the awkwardness before they notice it.)

Second, so many related topics make more sense once the umbrella of biblical sexuality takes center stage. It will eventually allow your child to understand why modesty is good, and premarital sex is not. It will help them understand the purpose of dating, and the harm in pornography. They’ll understand why homosexuality and transgenderism is sin. They will appreciate the beauty of a faithful marriage. All in all, they will gain the big picture of God’s good and perfect design. 

And third, talking about sexual matters allows exposure to start off small, start off positive, and it keeps your kids from looking for answers in dangerous places. Few topics need as much caution as this one, which is exactly why we need to get out in front of the culture and navigate this topic wisely. 

So all that to say, put sexuality on your list of discussion points, even when your kids are toddlers! This likely will start just by discussing body parts — both theirs and those of the opposite gender. And let’s be honest, some of us already start blushing at this step! But remember, all we need to do it state the facts–but we should start sooner rather than later! And in all likelihood, a child’s curiosity will give the conversation plenty of traction.

Though this is only one topic of many, if you open these doors of communication, you will find you’ve gone a long way in preparing your kids for all they will hear, see, and feel in their childhood and beyond. Plus, you will have made it clear that your relationship with them is one in which there’s plenty of openness and honesty, and they will know they can come to you about all sorts of topics in the future!

Time to Get Talking!

The point of all this is to say, we can’t shelter our kids from everything — and we’d be foolish if we tried. When it comes to verbally teaching them, we must do so actively! We must alert their minds to the realities of the world they live in, and we must be their primary educators. 

The reason for our ambition is not simply because it’s our duty, or even our privilege to teach our kids (though it is both), but rather because we want to ensure our children see life from God’s viewpoint from the earliest of ages. And this never happens accidentally. Conversation after conversation, we lay the foundation for our children to know God’s thoughts on life in general, and on their life in particular. 

So parents, let’s get talking!

Come back for post #5,  which will cover what else we might want to expose our kids to…

1. How Much Should We Shelter Our Kids? 
2. The Art of Strategically Sheltering
3. Sheltering Your Child’s Mind (Part 1):  What to Say and When
4. Sheltering Your Child’s Mind (Part 2): Get Talking!
5. Sheltering Your Child’s Daily Life (Part 1): Strengthen Their Character
6. Sheltering Your Child’s Daily Life (Part 2): How to Expose them to Temptation
7. Sheltering Your Child’s Heart (Part 1): Ruthlessly Protect
8. Sheltering Your Child’s Heart (Part 2): Avoiding Danger
9. Making Decisions: Protecting and Preparing the Next Generation