Whether we state them as resolutions or not, most of us think through a few ways we’d like to improve each coming year. Among those goals…
As wives, we wear a lot of hats. Not only do we desire to be good wives, but we often take on numerous responsibilities in our church, community, or workplace. Surely we all have a variety of domestic duties as well. Not to mention we need to keep up with friends, care for our children, squeeze in some exercise…just to name a few.
With being pulled in a variety of directions, it’s easy to feel as though life is all about getting the next thing done. To-do lists govern our days, and our personality can get “tasky” (an unofficial word meaning “all about the tasks”). This focused demeanor may prove profitable in the realm of productivity — but if we carry it into time with our husbands, we can zap the fun right out of our marriage!
A “Fun-Killer”? …Not Me!
To determine whether you are a fun-zapping candidate, consider whether you relate to these scenarios:
- You are still stressed out by the time your husband gets home.
- You don’t laugh with your husband like you used to.
- Most of your discussion revolves around domestic “business” of some sort.
- You don’t want to go on dates because there is too much to do.
- You don’t enjoy dates because there is too much on your mind.
- Any creative hang-out idea sounds like a bad idea.
- You have a hard time relaxing with your husband.
- You believe there is no time for fun!
We all have stressful days, so some of these situations are bound to happen. But if these descriptions are the “norm” for you, you might be allowing yourself to become a “fun killer.”
Does God Even Sanction Fun?
First things first: Life is not about fun. I have to regularly remind my kids of this truth. Our lives should be about God, and being used to accomplish his will. However, God provides many good gifts that he wants his children to enjoy. This is undoubtedly true of marriage.
More specifically, consider the delight a wife ought to be to her husband. The Proverbs are chock-full of such references.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. -Proverbs 18:22
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. -Proverbs 12:4
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. -Proverbs 31:10
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. -Proverbs 5:18
Granted, these passages are not about being a “fun” wife … but they certainly have much to do with being an enjoyable wife! And we must admit it’s not very enjoyable to be with someone who is constantly in business (or stressed out) mode.
One more biblical argument for intentionally enjoying your husband relates to simply being a good helpmate. Though we wear a lot of hats, so do our husbands. They carry their own stresses and difficulties — and we can be a great help to them when we provide a little relief to their lives. If a husband knows his wife enjoys time with him, he will be that much more ready to conquer his world. He will have truly been “helped” (maybe way more than having a fancy home-cooked dinner, or a spic and span home).
What If I Forgot How to Have Fun?
We all knew how to have fun before marriage. We would happily go on a fun date night, and we would gladly do random things to enjoy time together. We probably had “fun” without much effort at all. We need to bring that side back out.
A basic definition of fun is: “enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure.” In the context of marriage, picture a couple enjoying each other. Enjoyment could come through doing something active outdoors, or by cuddling up to watch a movie. A couple may enjoy good food together, or they may enjoy discussing deep concepts over coffee. It can be creative, or basic, but it implies nothing less than “enjoying each other.”
Fun times can’t (and probably shouldn’t) happen all the time — but they should be happening. We should be dating our husband. We should be intentionally investing in the relationship. And just like we would take delight in treating our kids or best friend to something “fun,” so should we take great delight in doing something our spouse would find fun.
So get creative, or not, but find a way to have some occasional “good times” with your husband.
More Than a Date
We would miss the boat if we thought a date night was the only time to enjoy our spouse. “Fun” is also a mindset we should take on. Life is still full of responsibilities and work; But when we are stepping back from work anyway (say, during dinner, or before bed, or on a drive together), I wonder if some of us need to train ourselves to loosen up a little.
Are there times to laugh, but you’re just too worked up about life? Would you bring great joy to your husband if you started singing the song on the radio with him? What if you flirted with him a little? Imagine the joy you’d bring him if you laid a big kiss on his lips! You get what I mean, do little acts that say “I am happy to be with you.”How can you show your husband you enjoy being with him? Click To Tweet
This may seem like hardly a biblical topic to discuss. However, being this kind of wife implies a ton of biblical application! It means you are not allowing yourself to grow bitter and cold towards your husband (Ephesians 4:32). It shows you love him selflessly (Matthew 7:12). It says you are trusting God with the things that stress you out (Psalm 20:7), enough to be joyful regardless of what’s going on (Philippians 4:4). It means you want to be the kind of wife your husband will enjoy (Proverbs 5:18).
Being a fun wife might be more godly than we initially assume…So ladies, let’s go and have some fun!