How to Transform Your Marriage

What if there was one thing you could work on that would solve most of your marital problems. That sounds too simplistic right? But perhaps it’s not. Follow me on this…

Issues in married life usually revolve around one party doing something that the other party doesn’t like. At times, these disliked actions fall in the category of grievous and heart-breaking sins, but most of the time, it’s just everyday discrepancies — Discrepancies that come in the form of preferences, opinions, and thoughts about how our spouse should live (more like us, of course!).

Thus the goodness of marriage is most often tainted by pretty small issues. But if we can learn to handle the minor issues just a bit better it could make a massive difference! And handling them better often comes down to working on more humility.

Basic Humility 

Humility has been defined in many ways. The Merriam Webster defines it as, “the quality or state of not thinking you are better than other people.”  Dictionary.com defines humility as “a modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc.” I imagine you have also heard humility defined as “not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” No doubt, our marriages would all be better if we embodied any of these definitions!

A little bit of humility will keep us from only noticing our spouse’s faults and sins (when we have plenty of our own weaknesses). And it will remind us we are all in process, and we all have numerous blind spots. Simply put, a more modest opinion of ourselves should keep us from pointing the finger as quickly as we do. 

It goes without saying, basic humility would keep most “issues” from even becoming an “issue.” 

Godly Humility 

Ultimately, the best humility comes from forgoing lateral comparisons and instead remembering who we are in comparison to God.  As we remember we are all far away from his standard, the lateral comparisons become inconsequential. 

Furthermore, we ought to remember that anything good in us is a gift from God. If we truly do have something going for us (that’s lacking in our spouse), it’s because God worked that in us (1 Corinthians 4:7).

When we call these biblical truths to mind, we’re reminded that all claims to pride are simply foolish.

Logical Humility 

Sometimes we also need a good dose of logical (humble) thinking. 

Do you notice that you usually think your way is the right way—And yet your husband is convinced his way is right? And interestingly EVERYONE ELSE is quite convinced their preferences are superior as well (such as the right way to fold laundry, the correct way to put the dishes in the dishwasher, how many nights a week to be out, which house projects are worth doing, etc).

What does this tell us about whether our way is really the right way? Obviously, It should tell us our way is not necessarily the right way (we can’t all be “right”). And more importantly, it should remind us to look at our husband (and his different opinions) through more humble eyes!

Helpful Humility 

Can you imagine how much smoother your marriage would be if you chilled out regarding your tightly held opinions, and stopped getting uptight when your husband didn’t do exactly as you would like? 

Can you imagine the peace that would permeate your relationship if you were more patient with your husband and his faults because you realize you expect people (and God) to be patient with you too!? What if you showed him just a sliver of the grace God has shown you?

I imagine this kind of humility would transform our marriages. 

However, even if our marriages didn’t dramatically change, we’d be a lot more godly.  So really, it’s a win-win. I’m not saying it’s not difficult. It is. But it’s worth it.

Let’s become more humble women, more gracious wives, and remarkably more godly!