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Random Ways to Re-Spark the Romance

February means romance is in the air! Or, it means it’s not, and Valentine’s Day won’t let you forget it. Which is fine if you are single, but not so fine if you are married. Married couples are supposed to enjoy a little romance; that’s how God designed it (see passages like Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:9-11).

But boy can the romance wane fast.

Not that we need to be like teens who stare into each other’s eyes and can’t seem to accomplish anything apart from each other. Not at all. But we should shoot for the sweet feelings of affection and excitement (that are ignited when we think about each other or spend time together) that stem from our covenant love. We can certainly re-spark that kind of romance! So here’s a few small ways that hopefully produce big results:

1. Talk about something interesting.

One reason young couples fall hard for each other is that they communicate so much. They share what makes them happy, they talk about what makes them sad, they share what they are learning, they talk, talk, talk (or at least one of the two does). While some of the talking might be frivolous, there is undoubtedly meaningful conversations happening — and that brings people closer together. 

For a variety of reasons, you and your husband may not talk about concepts and ideas and “deeper” things like you once did. However, doing so might bring you closer!

See if you can find a way to engage about new concepts. You could both read a book and talk about it every once in a while. You could listen to the same audiobook or sermon or podcast* (either together or when you’re apart) and then talk about it a little before bed.

Find something that will get you talking about something interesting, something meaningful, or find something that just gets you talking.

2. Think of him at the grocery store. 

Next time you go to the grocery store, find something that says “I’m thinking of you” and buy it! Pick something out of the ordinary, maybe a small splurge (nutritionally or financially). The point is, you want him to know he’s on your mind.

And then do it again in a few weeks (finding something different at the store). 

3. Try something new. 

Has your husband ever thought something would be fun, but you put off the idea for whatever reason? Would it not make a huge statement to purposefully make this fun thing happen (even if it’s not as fun for you)? Especially if it’s some sport or hobby, you may not be any good at it, but I bet he’ll adore your efforts (I can see the sparks flying now!).

4. Send a creative note (realistically, a text) of love.

You likely say “I love you” via text here or there….but this time, get creative. Make it colorful or make it playful (think GIF’s, emoji’s, memes, code words, send a video, etc.). Being playful every once in a while can go a long way in the romance department. Or get super crazy and send him an actual handwritten note. Either way — both communicate thoughtfulness.

5. Favor his favorites. 

Has your husband told you some of his favorites? Maybe there’s an outfit of yours he loves, or maybe it’s a certain way you wear your hair. Maybe he has a favorite meal, or a favorite date night restaurant. Maybe he loves spending his Saturday morning’s in a particular way, or he might prefer to wind down in the evening with a certain activity. When possible, try and rotate his favorites into life! Not just because he likes them, but because you love him (and you enjoy his enjoyment of life’s simple pleasures).

Simple Small Steps in the Right Direction 

Of course, no small gesture is going to fix real marriage issues. And no kind act will magically induce romance. But it’s a step in the right direction.

Good (romantic) marriages are built on this type of sacrificial love and kindness. And it’s got to start somewhere, so it might as well be you — at the grocery store, via text, in daily life, through conversation, or whatever other random way you can think of to show some small (or big) acts of kindness.


* My good friend and her husband just launched a marriage podcast! It’s called “Thriving Marriage with Mark and Bethany”… you should check it out!

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